Im working again, and hard. I decided that If I want it, I can do it myself and went for it. Alot of Artists and Graphic Designers started by themselves, so why cant I? Ive been working on a few pieces that have been on my mind and im pretty excited about them. Im aiming for work I can sell, so Im not just experimenting anymore. Hopefully by the end of this summer a few of my mates are getting together and getting some Gallery Space to sell our work. I think im more excited about what im doing now then ever before.
Ive been working on an oil painting, 2 canvas prints and some t-shirts. When their finished im going for a large piece on a giant canvas im purchasing tomorrow. Ill probably post pictures as soon as I can. Another big thing thats happening is that im getting an online portfolio up soon with my mate Jack, who also wants to get things going with graphic design. As soon as we can think up a monicker, the site should be up.
The last update today is that I got a letter from D.I.T, and that I passed the portfolio stage for Graphic design. This means theres a chance I could still get in, slight chance, and im excited about that too. If I dont get it thought I wont be too pissed off though, because what im doing now just feels right too me.
For the first time I dont know what im going to do. Its both equally terrifying and stimulating but I cant help but think this pit im in will only dig down. While only 19 going 20, Im counting this at a quarter life crisis (unless I die in a drug related incident at the tender age of 27 while on world tour with my critically acclaimed band. Which would be awesome).
I had plans… but as of late they seem unobtainable. All the options are gone. A year wasted. Fault of mine. It seems too much freedom had just created an ever amplifying lazyness. I put myself in this position mainly out of ego and deflated motivation with assignments. I went in kicking, but im coming out crawling. While my peers ascend to the ever elusive NCAD, im stuck doing what looks like nothing next year. Living out the rest of this course, which is just a year long portfolio course, unmotivated by my own failures and simply jealous of others success. Again, this is my fault alone.
Next week ive to arrive to class ready to complete assignment work, an ever growing pile, and enjoy doing it. I cannot do this knowing its for absolutely nothing. Not even the college im currently in will take me. My shakey attendance lost me a place in the graphic design course I long to do. Another failure to add to a augmenting list.
Im so ashamed of myself it makes me physically sick. I have never achieved anything, and this being my chosen field makes my think ill never achieve anything. Im making no excuses for myself because there is none. I just let myself do this. Pathetic lazyness. Im hardly seeing the point of getting up from bed anymore.
I have such a burning passion for Art & Graphic design, and I work extremely hard on my own personal projects but with college assignments and portfolio-briefs ive really fucked up. I dont know what im going to do.
whatarethesegoddamnanimals:
When I first read this, I wept. For all of us.
It seems that Mr Lucas cannot get away from Star Wars. Its his child. A child he proverbially raped, beat and whored out for cash. If this was a movie, he would be buffallo bill and Star Wars would be the girl in the pit, putting lotion on her skin. We, the geek community, would be Jodie foster, trying to hard to stop the crazy bastard. We even would have to enlist the help of Hannibal, or to us “Steven Spielberg”.
But, in light of the god awfulness of this, you think about it for awhile and you start to see a little light in the project. I mean, George lucas isnt going to write each episode and id imagine with the talent on display these days (Battlestar Galactica) theres hope. So, theres the slightest chance that in this obvious cash cow, we could have a show that actually works. With the correct budget, not unlike that of LOST and BSG, and talented writers that hold a special place for the series (4,5 & 6), this could well become a reality. A weekly Empires.
Unless George lucas does it again, and fails and all respect for him is gone. God knows he probably wants to base the show around Jar Jar Binks at this point.
Re-blogging my own post. Why? Because I can.
I cant articulate my opinion of this brief without using this delightful allegory of a recent audio tape everyone loves. Pretend Im Christian Bale and that the DP is NCAD. Use your inagination here. You fucked alot of us with this Brief NCAD, and I know you know.
We’re fucking done professionally.
